Monday, 16 March 2015

Getting de-disorganised

Yes, I know organised is a word. No, I'm not organised yet.
Last October I took up the presidency of IATEFL Slovenia. Long story.

via www.littlemissorganised.com
No, not me. Probably not ever. Ugh, don't you hate that smug face?

Unfortunately for me, this meant I had to somehow adapt my normal modus operandi. See, I'm not really an organised person and I sort of like it that way. I like not knowing where exactly my next trip is leading, I feel stressed when someone insists on strict timekeeping and reports (seriously, you DO NOT need that many reports! Do you eat them or what?) after each step and I can never find anything if I keep it in separate folders.

I have a system of chaos and it works extremely well for me. Sadly, it doesn't work for others and it most certainly doesn't work for a whole organisation. So, I had to learn time management, organising content and timely correspondence.

Imagine, all your life you've lived in a rainforest, you know every branch, every twist and turn is familiar and comforting. The animals living there know you by scent and you know them all. You are safe and you are strong and you feel confident in yourself and your abilities. The dangers are familiar and you know how to deal with them all. Life, in short, is good and full of awesome.
Then, a right bastard comes and magically plucks you out of your safe haven of rainforest and drops you in downtown Manhattan. That is how I felt when I started de-disorganising my life. Everything was new, overwhelming and so frightening I wanted to curl up in foetal position.

I did my SWOT analysis for the n-th time recently, because I found myself slowly succumbing to pressures and nearing exhaustion. Numbers and managing time were definitely one of my weaknesses, but I'm willing to change that. Thankfully I have people who are willing to take my hand and lead me through it.

I now have a reminder tool on my laptop and it looks quite scary. Despite the scariness, I regularly write my tasks in it and tick them off when they are done. I have a calendar app and I write in my meetings and set reminders. It is incredibly frustrating to do that when everything inside me rebels against it, but I keep on doing it. I even take time for scary finances and I have stopped hyperventilating when someone mentions the word budget.


Not sure if the list is getting shorter because I'm doing more or because I am missing something vitally important.

There is also a focus app on my laptop, which gently flashes when I try to go on Pinterest instead of writing my tests or balancing the budget. I want to kill the app, but thankfully it is only on my screen. I've also blocked my Facebook for a whole week so I can focus on my paperwork and school tasks. I do not miss it, but I was extremely annoyed at all the messages FB sends about me missing activity on my page. Yes, I know I'm missing it, that's the point of the exercise, stop acting like a clingy ex.

Those things make me angry and frustrated and extremely unhappy, but I hope they will help me eventually. People told me I'll feel so accomplished when I can tick off my done task or cross it out, but all I feel is a rising panic because the to-do list doesn't go away at all.

Yes, I have improved. No, I'm not there yet. I still can't find any time to do the things I like, blogging included. But I'm getting there slowly and if I don't overwork myself due to my sucky timekeeping, I might even learn something.

Point? There is none, except that sometimes you should try things you never thought you'd be doing.